two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
