you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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