I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
