U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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