my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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