finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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