Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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