So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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