Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
