i love accidental penises.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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