I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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