1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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