Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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