also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
