I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I believe in your delicious
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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