Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm bleeding and have questions
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize