I just pynch a tree in the face
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
where does the pee come out of this thing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize