Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
