There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My dick has a subreddit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
