I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
