I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
