had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize