Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
