I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
