quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
