True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
