Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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