i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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