happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
