I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
