It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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