I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
