Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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