if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
