He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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