Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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