do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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