Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
