He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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