I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
