I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize