I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
