fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
