My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
