just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize