Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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