You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
