I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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