This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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