Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
