Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
