You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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