I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
