new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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