My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
