I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Welp...herpes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
