see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize