He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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