I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize