Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
