i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
