I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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