you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
