Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
