Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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