Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
