Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
