She is in my trunk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize