dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
