I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
