Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
