im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
